Saturday, September 01, 2007
I TRIED LORD--BUT I HAVE BEEN DRIVEN OUT
I tried to attend Mass at 5 p.m. today at Holy Family in Stow. I thought it would be a less troubling experience than last Sunday's Mass was because the big performances are usually saved for Sunday. I got to church 20 minutes before Mass was scheduled to start and thought I could say a rosary while I waited.
But there was a low buzz of conversation that was distracting. Lots of people were talking. I prayed to You that You would just get me through it and resisted the desire to leave, trying to concentrate on my rosary. But the soloist needed to practice her songs and she couldn't get it right, so she had to keep repeating it.
I took out the earplugs that are always in my purse and put them in my ears, hoping they would muffle the sounds enough so I could pray. But it didn't work, Lord. I couldn't do it, and I couldn't overcome my growing anger. It became overwhelming and I had to get out of there.
They have forgotten You, Lord. They are there just for themselves and their performance. They don't remember that You are there in the tabernacle and would like to talk with them. They are too busy talking with each other just like they do when they are outside of church. Church is no longer a holy place. It has become a gathering space, a place where people meet other people. A place where You are an accessory that can almost be dispensed with.
If they needed You there in that church, they would talk with You. But they must not need to talk with You because they don't talk with You. They just talk with each other and make elaborate preparations to perform. All they want is their performance. They have substituted activity for You.
I won't get to Mass again this weekend. I can't go through that again, and I have nowhere to go that I can be sure to avoid another disaster. I need a place to worship Lord. There is no place to worship here.
