Monday, December 19, 2005
'TIS THE SEASON...
I woke up in a foul mood this morning, thinking still about yesterday's interchange.
It would seem that we have gone from a holy pope who wrote so profoundly that no one could understand what he said, to a holy pope who writes clearly but can't read. Meanwhile the newest qualification on the job description of the Catholic journalist is the ability to read the word "no" and understand it to mean "yes with bells on." (I'm referring specifically to Mirari Vos 13 and 14 here, but there are other examples.)
Lacking in the new magical ability, this low class "Protestant" Catholic considers the "Protestant" epitaph to be a badge of integrity and clear evidence that I have gotten past the Dick and Jane series, something that I regretfully observe seems to be lacking in others.
Periodically I wander over to Catholic and Enjoying It for the sole purpose of putting "Carrie" into the "find" window and seeing what it turns up. Yesterday it turned up "Witchhunt Central". Twice. I see that someone has taken note of that fact in a combox below as well. I guess this is the new Catholic charity that is making the rounds, but I should know better than to expect to find charity where I was surfing. Hey, I can take lessons in this new charity too. How's this blog for a start?
So, readers, so as not to misinform you, I want you to know that when you surf here, you are reading the Protestant Catholic Witchhunt Central Blog. Formerly known as Roman Catholic and still Roman Catholic in the eyes of some, including this blogger.
And now from the mailbox a little lighter fare to get back into the mood of the season, if that were possible...
INTER-OFFICE MEMO
BYWAYS BLUE FREIGHT
FROM: Ruby Phillips, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 01, 2005
RE: Christmas Party
I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take
Place on December 23, starting at noon in the private function room at the
Grill House.
There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a
small band playing traditional carols...feel free to sing along.
And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A
Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00 pm. Exchange of gifts among
employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.00 to
make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only
for employees! Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time!
Merry Christmas to you and your family.
Ruby
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INTER-OFFICE MEMO
BYWAYS BLUE FREIGHT
FROM: Ruby Phillips, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 02, 2005
RE: Holiday Party
In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish
employees. We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday, which often
coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to any
other employees who are not Christians or those still celebrating
Reconciliation Day.
There will be no Christmas tree present. No Christmas carols sung.
We will have other types of music for your enjoyment.
Happy Holidays to you and your family.
Ruby
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INTER-OFFICE MEMO
BYWAYS BLUE FREIGHT
FROM: Ruby Phillips, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 03, 2005
RE: Holiday Party
Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous
requesting a non-drinking table ... you didn't sign your name. I'm
happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads,
"AA Only", you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to handle this? Somebody?
Forget about the gifts exchange, no gift exchange will be allowed since
the union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and executives believe
$10.00 is a little chintzy.
NO GIFT EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.
Ruby
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INTER-OFFICE MEMO
BYWAYS BLUE FREIGHT
FROM: Ruby Phillips, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 04, 2005
RE: Holiday Party
What a diverse group we are!
I had no idea that December 20 begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours. There goes the party!
Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party, or else package everything for you to take it home in little foil doggy bags. Will that work?
Meanwhile, I've arranged for the members of Weight Watchers to sit
farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table
closest to the restrooms. Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with Gay men, each will have their own table. Yes, there will be a flower arrangement for the Gay men's table. To the person asking permission to cross dress, no cross-dressing allowed, though.
We will have booster seats for short people. Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet. We cannot control the salt used in the food. We suggest for those people with high blood pressure to taste first.
There will be fresh fruits as dessert for diabetics. The restaurant cannot
supply "No Sugar" desserts. Sorry!
Did I miss anything?!?!?
Ruby
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INTER-OFFICE MEMO
BYWAYS BLUE FREIGHT
FROM: Ruby Phillips, Human Resources Director
TO: All Fucking Employees
DATE: October 05, 2005
RE: The Fucking Holiday Party
Vegetarian pricks I've had it with you people!!! We're going to keep
This party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit
quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so quaintly put
it, and you'll get your fucking salad bar, including organic tomatoes.
But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them.
I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW!
I hope you all have a rotten holiday! Drive drunk and die.
The Bitch from HELL!!!!!!!!
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INTER-OFFICE MEMO
BYWAYS BLUE FREIGHT
FROM: Patty Lutz, Acting Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 06, 2005
RE: Ruby Phillips and Holiday Party
I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Ruby Phillips a speedy recovery
and I'll continue to forward your cards to her. In the meantime,
management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party.
Patty
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You can laugh now.
I HOPE you can laugh now.
