Thursday, November 03, 2005
THE CONFUSING ENGLISH LANGUAGE
A reader sent in this little experiment with English.
I'm taught p-l-o-u-g-h
S'all be pronouncé 'plow'.
"Zat's easy w'en you know," I say,
"Mon Anglais, I'll get through!"
My teacher say zat in zat case,
O-u-g-h is 'oo'.
And zen I laugh and say to him,
"Zees Anglais make me cough".
He say, "Not 'coo', but in zat word,
O-u-g-h is 'off'."
Oh, Sacre bleu! such varied sounds
Of words makes me hiccough!
He say, "Again mon frien' ees wrong;
O-u-g-h is 'up'
In hiccough." Zen I cry, "No more,
You make my t'roat feel rough."
"Non, non!" he cry, "you are not right;
O-u-g-h is 'uff'."
I say, "I try to spik your words,
I cannot spik zem though!"
"In time you'll learn, but now you're wrong
O-u-g-h is 'owe'."
"I'll try no more, I s'all go mad,
I'll drown me in ze lough!"
"But ere you drown yourself," said he,
"O-u-g-h is 'ock'."
He taught no more, I held him fast,
And killed him wiz a rough.
- Charles Battell Loomis (1861-1911)
